Insanity
by sadlovedvampyegirl
Summary: This is my 1st story so plz don't kill me. This story is just pure insanity as the title suggest and also it includes me, my friends, nauto universe, and much much more enjoy. pluse this is pretty much pure crack.
1. Carinval and mishaps

Insanity By Samantha Hicks 

_**Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Naruto if I did Sasuke's hair would quack and fly off his head.**_

**Flames can and **_**will**_** be used for roasting marshmallows.**

………………………………...It all started in the middle of July. I was at a carnival, watching fireworks. I caught a glance of a boy with long blond hair, and a black robe with red clouds all over it, smuggling explosives in with the fireworks. He laughed evilly, turned around, and then noticed me watching him. He stopped smiling, turned back around, and walked away.

I decided to follow him around a bit, having not seen anyone quite like him before. After fifteen minutes of tailing, I lost him. I went to a booth where you could make clay sculptures free. I started to sculpt objects, and was on my fourth one, when the blonde haired boy from before walked in. He grabbed some clay, and noticed me again, so he came to sit next to me.

He started to sculpt too. They were mostly sculptures of birds, such as owls and phoenixes. "You're pretty good with that." I said. He looked at me and replied, "You're not too bad either, un." Silence. "I noticed you following me earlier, un. Why?" I paused, because I did not really know why.

There was more silence for a bit. We had each done three more clay objects before talking again. "Are you on some kind of mission to hunt me down or something, un?" He smiled and slowly held up his hands. I gasped in shock, because he had mouths on his hands! I had never seen something like that before.

"Um…I uh, no, I'm not hunting you, but…but now I'm curious as to what you are like." More silence. When the boy was done, he had 12 clay objects. "Here, for you, un." He handed me a clay rose, and I reluctantly took it. "Till we meet again, un."

"Um… thanks. Goodbye, I guess." We both got up to leave. The boy took his clay sculptures with him, but I left mine, because I did not really want them anymore. When he was out of sight, I smelled gunpowder. I cracked open the rose he had given me, and saw that the gunpowder was coming from there.

I figured he might try something like this, because after watching him for a while, I found out that most of his explosives were in the form of clay sculptures made by his very own hands. I left the rose on the table, and realized that the fireworks show would be starting soon, so I headed off for that.

I went to stand in the crowd, and when I found a spot, noticed that I could see the boy again. When the fireworks started, I saw him make a hand sign and whisper something, but I could not hear what it was. When he did this, the explosions seemed to get bigger and bigger, and I decided that it was the best fireworks show I had ever seen.

After the show, I walked around, looking at random things, curious of what else the carnival had. Then I saw him yet again, running at me with a look of death in his eyes. He threw a clay spider at me and yelled "KATSU!!" On instinct, I had ducked when I saw him throw the spider, but if I had ducked even one second later, and that mini-explosion right above me would have had my head in it.

"Hey! Why did you do that?!" I yelled, but he had disappeared again. I tried to stand up, and found that I was really shaken up from that frightening experience, so I decided to go home. About halfway home, I realized that something was following me. I looked up, and saw a giant bird flying above me. I saw some one riding on the bird too, and I had a pretty good guess who it was.

So, I grabbed a handful of rocks from the ground nearby, and started throwing them at the person. I had used up my very last rock when I hit the person. He fell, and when he hit the ground, I saw that my hunch was right.

It was the boy from the carnival. I pointed and yelled, "I knew it! I knew it was you! Why are you following me?!" He smiled. "You're pretty damn fast. No one has been able to get away from my art in time, but you did, and I like that, un." I was shocked, and in a way, somewhat pleased. Then I realized something. "Hey, by the way, you're a ninja, aren't you?" His smile grew. "Yes, and considering how fast you are, you must be a ninja too un."

I smirked at his insolence. "No, I am not a ninja, I was raised by cats." The boy, who had gotten up by now, looked at me in surprise. "Really?" "NO!" I threw the hardest punch I could manage, right into his gut. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I screamed. He keeled over in pain, while I took off as fast as I could, not once looking back.

………………………………...

I woke up in a sweat. At first, I thought I had been kidnapped, but soon I realized that it was just a dream, and I was still in my own room. I looked at my alarm clock. 12:45 a.m. I had a sudden urge to look to my right. I slowly turned my head to face the very demon who had tried to kill me at the carnival.

The evil blond haired boy. I wanted to scream, but I felt something weigh against my face, a rag. I began to feel sleepy, and realized that there must have been chloroform on the rag. I tried to kick and scream, anything to get away! Unfortunately, nothing worked and soon I fell asleep in the arms of the devil. When I woke up I was, in the middle of the dessert, tied to a chair. I looked up at the boy standing in front of me. "Okay, so it's pretty obvious that you want me dead. Nevertheless, can you do me one favor? Tell me your name, so that when I die, I know what name to moan when I'm haunting your every waking moment?"

He smirked. "The name's Deidara, un. Now, prepare to be cruelly and unusually tortured, Samantha, un!" "Wait a minute, how do you know my nam-" I did not get to finish my sentence. Deidara had put in earplugs, so as not to hear the torture he was about to put me through. He turned on a giant stereo, that I had not noticed there before, and you will not believe what he did.

He turned it to Paris Hilton singing. **Over. **_**And over**_**. Again. On ****full ****blast.** My ears were bleeding. I screamed at the top of my lungs, and struggled with the chains and ropes that bound me to the chair. Just when I thought that all hope was lost, and that I really was going to die, two kunais hit the stereo, and it exploded. Two more kunais were thrown at Deidara, but they missed him.

He decided to get out of there, not knowing the strength of my hidden rescuers. When he was gone, a boy looking about my age with red hair and blue eyes (and eye make-up. Weird), came out from somewhere in the sand. He undid the chains and severed the ropes that held me to the chair.

"Who are you?" I asked. He looked at me and said in a soft voice, "I am Subaku no Gaara. Come on, we better leave, because he might come back." I went with Gaara to his village, thinking about Deidara the whole time. He was incredibly strong, and kind of cute. I did not know why the heck he wanted to kill me so badly, but I did know that I was going to kill him first.


	2. Intro to Sara

_Disclaimer: If I did Sasuke's hair would quack and fly off his head. Deidara would be mine but I don't so on with the chapter….._

_My POV_

_--_

_When we arrived in Sunagakure, Gaara took me to his sensei and teammates. "Hello everyone. I have some one with me. I don't think she knows where she is, because she's been kidnapped." I looked at each of them in turn. _

_There was another boy that looked about my age, maybe a little older, with a full body black suit and purple designs on his face. I could tell right away that he was either emo, Goth, or a gangster. _

_Then I looked at the girl. She had blond hair up in four short ponytails. She was wearing very uncomfortable looking clothes, and had a giant fan in her hand. She looked like a prep, emo, OCD, a whiner, or just a plain idiot. _

_And I have no way to describe what the sensei looked like, because to me, he was just creepy. And he left the room as soon as I entered. The two kids introduced themselves. The boy stepped forward and said, "My name is Kankuro, the skilled puppet master. Just stay out of my way, or I'll teach you the hard way that my puppet is very dangerous." I decided he was emo. _

_The girl was next. "Hi, I'm Temari. Do not listen to Kankuro; he is in a crabby mood today. And Karasu is not all that great. It's not nearly as strong as me." She was definitely a stuck-up person._

_Kankuro got angry at that remark, and started saying some really nasty things in Japanese. I could not understand it, but Temari gasped, and stared at him in shock. Kankuro then stomped out of the room, with a triumphant smile on his face. Temari and Gaara stared after him for a while, and then I broke the silence. "Well, now I know who you guys are, so now I guess I should introduce myself. I am Samantha, and I would really appreciate if some one can train me to be a ninja, so that I can destroy that Deidara person." _

_Temari smiled. "Hmph, you just met us, and already you want us to train you? Who is Deidara, anyway?" "I don't know, but he seems to want me dead." Gaara, suddenly got interested. "Oh, so he's going to be like that, huh? Okay, Temari, we are going to Konohagakure so that you can train Sam, and also to find out some information on this Deidara person." Temari's eyes bugged out._

"_You mean we're going to the leaf village? Oh, goody! I can finally see my darling Shika-kun again. The first thing I'm going to do is find Shikamaru and give him a BIG hug!!" I backed away, because she was squealing and hugging herself now, which really scared me. Gaara went to get Kankuro, and we started off on our journey through the dessert to the Hidden Leaf Village. We had been traveling, for no more than about fifteen minutes, when Gaara stopped. He sniffed the air, and then turned to Kankuro. "Okay, give them to me, Kankuro; I know that you have them." Garra said, with an annoyed tone "I don't know what you mean, aha ha ha." "Kankuro, take off your hat, don't make me do what I did last time." Garra said in a warning tone. "Fine, fine, whatever you say, magical elf-lady, aha ha ha." _

_He took off his hat to reveal a whole lot of pixie sticks. "Don't tell me. You actually got high off of those pixie sticks?" I asked "Hey, don't tell me how to do my job, and I won't tell you how to skin a caterpillar, aha ha ha." Kankuro then burst out into maniacal laughter, and fell to the ground rolling around and holding his stomach. _

_The sugar fell to the sand, and Gaara looked at them suspiciously. "Where's the rest of it?" "What do you mean, aha ha ha ha ha?" Kankuro asked, still in a laughing fit "Stand up." Kankuro stood before Gaara, and though Gaara looked him over and could not see anything, but I could tell he smelled it. _

_He took some of Kankuro's face paint on his finger and smelled it. His eyes bugged out, and he said, "This isn't face paint, this is pixie stick sugar dyed purple!" "You don't know what you're talking about, man." Kankuro said, after he stopped laughing. _

_Gaara turned to Temari and nodded. Temari nodded back, and she pulled out a tazer and some rope from the bag she had brought with her. They tied up Kankuro to prevent him from running away, and kept the tazer close, just in case. We walked like that the rest of the way to the other village, with Kankuro laughing hysterically._

_When we, finally, did arrive to the Leaf Village, the first person we saw was, Gaara told me later, Shikamaru. When he saw us walking, he took one look at Temari and froze. Temari started trembling, and Gaara said, "Temari, keep calm. Do not let go of Kankuro's chains. Temari! Listen to me! Do not let g-"_

"_SHIKAMARU!!" Temari shouted, at the top of her lungs. Shikamaru's eyes bugged out, and he started running as fast as he could the other way. By the time I realized what had happened, Kankuro was hugging a tree, Temari was running at top speed with her arms open screaming at the top of her lungs that she was so happy to see Shikamaru again, and Gaara was diving for the tazer that Temari had dropped._

_When Gaara had the tazer, he ran after Temari, because I imagine that that would be the only way to calm her down. He and Shikamaru both yelled at the same time, "Temari, NO!!" But she didn't listen. She jumped and threw herself at Shikamaru, and when Gaara aimed to hit her with the tazer, he hit Shikamaru. The tazer electrocuted him, and his hair tie came out, making his hair fall down. _

_He pushed Temari off of him, and started looking for it. I walked over to Shikamaru and pointed at him. "Hey, with your hair down, you kind of look like a girl. I mean, what's up with that?" Shikamaru looked up at me with pure hatred in his eyes. "Don't push me; I'm in a really bad mood today. So unless you want to be tied to a log and going down Niagara Falls, I suggest that you turn around and walk the other way." I backed away, kind of scared, because I really believed that he would do it, too._

_I backed up so fast, that I did not see the kind of pinkish-haired girl behind me, and I hit her. "Hey, watch it, noodle face!" Shikamaru got a dreamy look in his eyes. "Hey, Tayuya, over here! It's me, your snuggle-buddy!" I could see Temari getting up, and I knew that something bad was about to happen. So I ran for the nearest tree (not the one that Kankuro was currently hugging), and climbed as fast and as high as I could, which was pretty much a lot of both._

_Temari snapped to attention at the word 'snuggle-buddy'. She was looking at Tayuya with fire in her eyes. "What…did…he…say!?" Tayuya smiled. "Didn't you hear him? Or are deaf, dumb, and blind? He said that I was his snuggle-buddy!" Temari's head slowly did a 180 turn to look at Shikamaru behind her. "You two are…snuggle-buddies?! You were CHEATING ON ME!? YOU WILL DIE!!" Temari grabbed her fan and blindly swung it this way and that at Shikamaru. When she finally did get a good hit, Shikamaru fell to the ground and transformed into a blond haired boy. _

_He had used the transformation jutsu to transform in to Shikamaru. Not good. "Naruto…!! You are going to pay for making me think about hurting and hating Shikamaru!!" I will not get into too many details, but I will tell you that by the time Temari was done with him, Naruto had more phobias than Adrian Monk did._

"_If you guys need me, I'll be in that tavern that we passed just outside of town." Temari walked away. Tayuya collected Naruto, and took off for some place. Gaara was mumbling to himself with his eyes closed. Kankuro was talking to the tree now, appearing to be trying to be its friend. All of a sudden, he jumped back and screamed, "Oh that's how it is, huh? Fine, I never liked you either!" Kankuro took two long steps in the other direction, and fell to the ground, unconscious. _

_I came down from the tree and decided to look around the village, since Gaara was still mumbling. I started to walk around, but did not get very far before I saw a group of girls and some guys staring at something on a wall._

_I pushed my way through the crowd, curious as to what this thing was. When I got to it, I saw that it was a paper. This is what it said: WHO IS THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE HIDDEN VILLAGES _

_Results: 1st-Kabuto Yakushi 2nd-Ino Yamanaka 3rd-Sakura Haruno 4th-Hinata Hyuuga 5th-Orochimaru 6th-Yuhi Kurenai I didn't know who any of these winners were, but everyone else did, and a lot of people were upset over this 'Kabuto' person being the winner. I soon found out who he was, because he was walking around with a bright blue sparkle dress on, a golden crown, and a boutique of yellow roses. He was humming the Harry Potter theme song, and was quite happy with himself._

_I thought that was somewhat creepy, so I went back to see what Gaara was doing. He was on his knees, his hands clasped together and his eyes shut; he was praying. Tayuya had come back with Naruto. Naruto was in fetal position, a little ways from Gaara, and Temari was having a very gruesome battle with Tayuya, Temari using her fan and Tayuya using her flute and kunai. _

_I looked down at Gaara and said, "Um…what are you doing?" He stopped praying and looked up. "What? I converted to Buddhism six months ago. This is what I do now." I just kind of looked away with an 'O…Kay…then…' face. Gaara went back to praying. Then I heard loud barking, so I turned to see a boy in a big jacket riding on an even bigger dog._

_The boy had brown hair, claws and fangs, and red lines on his cheeks. They were coming straight to me and Gaara. He yelled, "Stand back! Kiba and Akamaru are in the building!" I ducked, because the dog (Akamaru) jumped right over me and Gaara. He stopped after landing, and turned around so that he and the boy (Kiba) looked at us. "Hey, I'm Kiba, how ya doing?" He winked and smiled at me._

_I could feel myself blush. I stammered, "Um, hi. I'm Sam." Then I said more confidently, "Cool dog!" Then, right out of the blue, I came up with an idea. I looked to the sky and said to what appeared to be no one, "Hey, story writing me! I just came up with an awesome idea for the story!" _

_A voice answered down as if from the heavens, __"You're in the story, you're not going to come up with ideas for it!"_ "Well, I think I just did! Can we use it, please?" _"No." _I got mad. "Why not!?" _"Because I said so!" _"You're so mean!" _"Hey, don't mess with me, I control you!"_ I smirked. "Oh yeah? You're and evil piece of trash!" 

-- Two minutes later, I was doing a headstand in a tutu singing the Barney theme song at the top of my lungs. Believe me; I was **not **doing this of my own free will. I was being controlled by an evil demon. -- Two more minutes later, I was tied to a tree, with hey and straw all around me and I was about to be burned alive. And to think, none of this would have happened if I hadn't gone to that stupid carnival the other day. -- I somehow managed to get out of that predicament, and when I did I climbed up the very tree that I had been tied to. When I got up there, I just decided to watch everyone else. Temari and Tayuya were still fighting. Kiba and Gaara were looking at the pathetically unconscious Kankuro, and talking about something. 

Then, someone fell out of the tree next to them. I looked closely and saw that it was my friend Sara! What a coincidence! Or not. She looked up at Kiba, who asked, "What are you doing? And who the hell are you?" She blushed furiously. "Um, I'm Sara. I uh, I was just…look! There is my contact! I found it!" She pointed to a spot on the ground and pretended to pick something up. 

Then I knew what was going on, because I just happened to know that Sara didn't wear contacts or glasses. It was obvious that she was stalking Kiba. Tch, fan girl. Well, I was watching my friend try to explain why she was looking for her "contact" in a tree, when something hit my head. I saw, when it landed on my lap, that it was a nut from a tree branch above me. Someone else was in the tree with me, right above me. I slowly looked up, and gasped in shock at who it was. 

You'll never guess who it was. Never. Never ever. Never ever ever. That's why I am going to tell you. You may be in suspense right now, but wait for it. Okay….It was….The Taco Bell Chihuahua! Just kidding. It was really…President Nixon!! Just kidding. Again. Okay, I really will tell you this time. You do not believe me? I will tell you. Soon. I will tell you now. But if you are laughing right now, you have to stop first.

I mean it. Just stop. Okay, I am now gona pick it up right where I left off: I slowly looked up, and gasped in shock at who it was. It was the very same demon who had tried to kill me three times before. It was Deidara. He looked at me, smiled, held out a tub of popcorn for me, and said, "It's very interesting watching those people, wouldn't you agree, un?" 

I ignored his question and looked at the out held popcorn suspiciously. Then I knocked it over, and yelled, "Like I'm going to eat any of that!! You've probably poisoned it, cause you're going to try to kill me again!!" Deidara looked at the overturned popcorn bucket longingly, and said, "You know, I was eating that too, genius." "Oh." Deidara turned to look at me now. 

"It's too bad I have to kill you though." "Why do you have to kill me!?" He looked at me questioningly. "Because you're an enemy ninja trying to find out about Akatsuki to bring us down." "WHAT!? I'm not an enemy ninja!!" Deidara looked surprised. "Really? Then why did you follow me around at the fair?" 

I shrugged. "I don't know. I was bored, and you looked interesting." He smirked. "Oh. Ok. Well, since we're not enemies after all, you want to ditch these people?" "Yeah!" So Deidara took some clay out of his bag, and shaped it into something weird with the mouths on his hands. 

Then he made it really big, and made another clay figure, a bird, and we hopped on it and started flying away. When we were far enough away from the village, Deidara made a hand sign and said, "Katsu" Then everything blew up, and we flew off into the distance.


	3. Gaara's Stalker

We had been flying in silence for about twenty minutes, and I was getting bored

We had been flying in silence for about twenty minutes, and I was getting bored. Extremely bored. I thought for a moment, and then opened my mouth to speak, but Deidara interrupted me. "So, that girl with the fan was gonna train you, un?"

I looked at him for a long while before answering. "Yeah, at least that's what I was told. But not now. You killed them, you idiot!!" He looked back at me strangely. He said, "I don't care about that. You're not gonna need them anymore, cause I'm gonna convince Akatsuki to let me keep you. Of course, I won't train you myself. I'll have Sasori-no-danna take care of that for me, cause that's just too much work. Un." I thought about this for a moment as well. "Um, who is Sasori? And what is Akatsuki? I imagine these things would be kind of important, so I need to know."

He faced away from me and back to the front. "Sasori is my danna, my master. I was partnered with him when I came into the Akatsuki. Oh, and I suggest that you don't make him mad, because he used a jutsu to turn himself into a puppet, and he has his heart in a glass container, and he hides it somewhere in his puppet body. But the point is, he has anger issues, and he can lunge at you and kill you and you wouldn't even be able to make a scratch on his annoying puppet body. And if he kills you, he'll use your body and turn it into a puppet as well, as creepy as that sounds. I've come close to that many times myself, believe it or not un. And Akatsuki is the organization that we work for. It is normally an organization of the most powerful ninja, but Kisame just died, so I'm gonna see if I can squeeze you in and train you to be one of the most powerful ninja in the world. Or, should I say, let Sasori train you. Un."

Deidara reached into his cloak and pulled out something shiny. He gave it to me. I turned it over and over in my hands, inspecting it. It was so shiny, that I lost all train of thought that I might have had at that moment. I stared at it and started drooling. "Ooh, it's so shiny. What is it?"

"A kunai, un. You're gonna need that to protect yourself from dangerous people, un." He smirked when he said this, for it was obvious that THEY were the bad people. I snapped out of my trance of the shiny object as a thought crossed my mind. "Um, I don't really have a say in weather I want to join or not, do I?" "Nope; sorry, but you're stuck with it, just like I was." He lowered his voice and said, "Damn you, Itachi-sempai, un." "What?" "Nothing." When he took back what he had said, I noticed that his left eye was mechanical.

I debated weather or not to ask him about it for about two minutes, and then decided to go ahead and ask. "Hey, Deidara, what happened to your left eye? Did you lose it in a fight or something?" He reached up to touch the metal that took the place of his eye, and twitched. His good eye went cold for a split second, then blank. "Um, never mind, forget that I asked that question."

A few more minutes passed with more silence. Then Deidara said, "We're here, un." I hadn't been paying much attention, until now, when i looked down and saw what should've been the most obvious evil-villain hide-out ever. It was what looked like a small cave, but I'm sure it was much bigger on the inside.

We landed on a rock platform right in front of the cave. We got off of the bird we had been riding, which was a raven, by the way, and instead of shrinking it back down to size, Deidara made it fly of in the near distance, where we could still see it, and said the magic word that made it blow up. I turned to look at him in curiosity.

"Heh, heh. I just like to watch it blow up, un." He thought, then added, "Also, we can't leave any evidence, because Gaara may have been tracking us un." "You DO know that that explosion is pretty noticeable, right?" Deidara's eye twitched, and then he yelled, "Damn it!" He turned around and then yelled, "UN!"

**MEANWHILE, WHILE GAARA WAS TRACKING US….**

(Not in my P.O.V.)

Gaara looked up at the smoke in the sky, off in the distance. It was apparent that there had been a small explosion. "There!" He was about to take off running, when all of a sudden, Sara appeared right next to him. "HI!" Gaara fell over in surprise.

Sara smelled the air. "Hey, that's clay, isn't i-" She started coughing, because some of the clay she smelled had gotten stuck in her throat. "Help….me….PLEASE!" Gaara got up, and looked at Sara. Then an idea flashed into his head. "Hey, isn't clay made form sand?" He swept his hand across the air in the direction of Sara's face. When nothing happened, he said, "No. Clay is not made from sand. Well here's some helpful advice; drink some water."

Gaara turned to leave, but Sara, who was on the ground now, grabbed the bottom of Gaara's robe, and looked up pleadingly. "Oh, all right." He took his water bottle and gave it to Sara. She drank the whole thing. "Thanks," she said. "I was thirsty. Temari was right. Pretending to choke does get you free water."

Gaara flinched. "Go away! Go stalk Kiba, or something!" Sara smiled sweetly. "Well, I would, but I don't know where he is right now, so I'm going to follow you instead " "Whatever, just don't get in my way."

They started walking down the path that Gaara was on, when suddenly, Sara fell sown a ten-foot hole. Gaara walked to the edge of the hole and looked down. Sara moaned, "I fell down a hole." "I can see that." Gaara replied. "I made a bridge of sand over the hole; why didn't you use it?" "I'm partially blind in my left eye." "I made it on the right side." "Well then I'm partially blind in my right eye."

There were a few moments of silence." "I'm not very smart." Gaara smirked. "Obviously." "Was that an insult?" He thought for a minute, and then said in a sarcastic voice, "No, that wasn't an insult, that was a compliment." Sara smiled. "Well then, thank you very much. Now, will you please help me out of this hole, Sandman?' "Is Neon's atomic number nine?" "Um, yes?"

Gaara turned and started to walk away. "Goodbye, Sara. Have fun rotting in that hole of yours." And then, there was another explosion. Gaara looked at it, and almost fainted. He started running toward the explosion at full speed, because this time, it was in the direction of Sunagakure, the Sand Village.


End file.
